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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?